Santa Claus was taken in to custody earlier today after law enforcement officials raided his North Pole home.
The icon and hero to many children across the world was taken by surprise, but released a statement claiming to be innocent of all wrongdoing and chided the incident as a cheap political stunt by the US Government.
Senators Chuck Schumer (D - NY) and Harry Reid (D - NV) issued a joint statement at the capitol today:
"It seems some people feel that they are more important than the community as a whole. Mr. Claus appeared to be a stand-up citizen from the outside, but inside was secretly destroying our planet year after year."
Each year, Santa Claus, also known as Kris Kringle, carries out a goodwill mission for children across the world, delivering presents and joy to all with his team of reindeer. However, in recent years, speculation arose with the increasing number of children in the world, and how Mr. Claus would be able to meet the time constraints with only nine reindeer.
Environmental activists speculated that Santa was using a highly efficient form of fuel to be able to reach every home on Christmas Eve. After some investigation, officials discovered that bad children were no longer receiving coal in their stocking with quite the frequency as in years past. Children weren't getting nicer, but the coal was still being used. That's when the breakthrough came - Santa was using the coal for naughty children to help power his Sleigh.
Former Vice President and Nobel Prize winner Al Gore also had some words to say for Father Christmas:
"In this day, one would think that instead of using an archaic form of energy such as coal, Santa Claus could be a leading example for all by using an electric powered sleigh!"
Santa's claims that the electric sleigh wasn't slated for production for a couple years, and even then, would only get him a short 40 mile distance before recharging, fell on deaf ears. The carbon footprint that Santa leaves from his travels is astronomical and ineffecient. Critics point out that he could streamline his business in the 21st century and use the internet and dedicated shipping companies already on the road, even if it takes away from the Christmas spirit.
In other news, Santa has requested assistance from the government as it appears he will be unable to complete his mission from jail this year. He claims that he is too big to fail and will use the billions of dollars to retool and become competitive in an industry where there is no competition.
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